Beautiful

I blessed the day that I found you
The stars we put in place
The dreams we didn't waste
The sorrows we embraced

The world belonged to you and me

The oceans that we crossed

The innocence we lost

The hurting at the end

I'd go there again
'Cause it was beautiful

It was beautiful
-from Amy Grant's Beautiful

I miss my husband. He is out of town for five, count them, five nights. It's not just that I'm on my own at home with two toddlers. It's not just that his being gone has killed my ability to get out and run, my new obsession, until he is back. It's those things a little, but it's more than that. Way more than that.

It's that he isn't there to be my partner in everyday existence. We have this little dance we do every night taking care of the kids, taking care of each other. I miss that. Yes, it has to do with me being the only one that the kids are bellowing at on these nights, but it is more than that. It feels like I'm one half of a whole without him there with me.

It's that he isn't next to me at night. I am used to being in a bed by myself because I travel on business a couple of times a year. I'm not used to being in MY bed by myself. In fact, I can't do it. I've cheated and had a tot in bed with me since Steve's been gone.

It's that he isn't walking behind me and, well, pinching my behind as he goes by. I am so fond of this little sign of affection from him that I feel like something is wrong if he passes by me first thing in the morning when he is half awake and he doesn't do it.

It's that he isn't there to watch TV with me. We are unabashedly couch potatoes and I know that it shouldn't matter if he is there to watch with me, but I really don't enjoy any of it nearly as much without him.

We have such a beautiful life together and it just isn't the same when we are physically separated like this. It makes me think about how these little things, these silly little things, will be what I miss so much some day if I am the one left behind. It's a sad thought, I know, but one I have at times like this.

I'm so glad he has had this opportunity to get away and just be Stephen for a while. Not daddy. Not husband. Not son. Just Stephen. But, I will be glad when he's home and can be all these things to us again from the same area code.