The Jesus of Suburbia

I'm reading a very thought provoking book by Mike Erre entitled The Jesus of Suburbia. This book has made me think about the revolution that Jesus represented to religion of His day and how we have gotten far away from that in our churches today. It is soundly based in scripture and it fills in a lot of the blanks that we, as 21st century Christians, cannot understand such as Jewish tradition and belief, the political landscape and cultural norms. It places Jesus' life in context and shows you the powerful message that He brought to a world in which religion was used to label and exclude people from God's grace. It makes me realize how much about religion today leans the same way.

Devotional: Faith Circle October 2007

About a week ago, I came across the following passage in Jeremiah:

If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country,
how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?
Jeremiah 12:5 (NIV)

I’m sure my initial attraction to this verse was the reference to running. However, when I pondered the verse more and more, I found myself meditating on the idea of stumbling.

I am quite aware that my life is one of great ease and little trouble. I know I am profoundly blessed in my circumstances and, yet, I can still find things in my life to trip me up on a daily basis. That is what makes the Lord’s response to Jeremiah’s questions so thought provoking to me. If I can find stumbling blocks in this easy life, what will I do when things really get tough?

Will I be like the seed sown on rocky ground in Jesus’ parable?

"The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts
only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he
quickly falls away.” Matthew 13:20-21 (NIV)

Or, even, the seed sown among thorns?

“The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.” Matthew 13:22 (NIV)

Oh, merciful Father, I hope not!

Peter gives us hope that this does not have to be the case for us:

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But those who fail to develop in this way are shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.

So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things, and you will never fall away [i.e. stumble] . Then God will give you a grand entrance into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.2 Peter 1:3-11 (NLT)

Dear Heavenly Father, According to the Psalmist:

The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.
Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)

I pray tonight that You would direct our steps so that we might hold Your hand and continue to walk in Your ways instead of falling over the bumps we encounter in our lives. In Your Son’s most precious name, Amen.

Clay

This past Sunday, my minister approached me to ask if I would be willing to serve the church. I had hoped that this day was coming soon. I knew that the lay leadership committee of the church had been working on a slate of officers and committees. The thing is, I wasn’t asked to do the thing that I had hoped to be asked to do. Still, I gladly accepted the position that was offered, knowing that I was well suited to the role and that I could serve the church well there. But, I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with the fact that, again, I was being asked to serve in a position that was very like my day to day work and was not, in my opinion, necessarily in alignment with my spiritual gifts.

As ususal, my Father spoke to me in my daily Bible reading just a day later:

Woe to the one who argues with his Maker—
one clay pot among many.
Does clay say to the one forming it:
What are you making?
Or does your work [say]:
He has no hands?
How absurd is the one who says to [his] father:
What are you fathering?
or to [his] mother:
What are you giving birth to?"
Isaiah 45:9-10

Oops. You’re right, Lord. I have no right to question. I must remember that the gift that the church has asked me to use to serve the body of Christ is one that God blessed me with every bit as much as the one I hoped to be asked to use (if in fact I even have that gift). In studying more the concept of the potter and the clay, I found additional convicting scriptures:

You have turned things around,
as if the potter were the same as the clay.
How can what is made say about its maker,
"He didn't make me"?
How can what is formed
say about the one who formed it,
"He doesn't understand [what he's doing]"?
Isaiah 29:16

Oops again. I was daring to think that God, through the church, didn’t understand what He was doing. I dared to believe that I know myself and my place better than He did.
Jeremiah says:

So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, working away at the wheel. But the jar that he was making from the clay became flawed in the potter's hand, so he made it into another jar, as it seemed right for him to do.
The word of the LORD came to me: "House of Israel, can I not treat you as this potter [treats his clay]?"—[this is] the LORD's declaration. "Just like clay in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand, house of Israel. At one moment I might announce concerning a nation or a kingdom that I will uproot, tear down, and destroy [it].” Jeremiah 18:3-6

This makes me think perhaps this turn from where I thought God was leading me may have something to do with me being flawed and needing some fine tuning. I was beginning to force my will upon God in many respects. Looking for a greater calling, I was in great need of a lesson in humility.

The scripture continued to speak to me through Paul:

But who are you—anyone who talks back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Romans 9:20

So, I came to a place where I can happily, willingly say (paraphrasing Isaiah 64:8):

Yes LORD, You are my Father;
I am the clay, and You are my potter;
I am the work of Your hands.

And, I will know that by serving Him where He places me, I am certain to bring Him glory, not myself.

Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

All scripture quoted from the Holman Christian Standard Bible.

There are cookies!

About two or three years ago, a live action movie based on the Scooby Doo cartoons came out in which the lovable Great Dane and his mystery solving friends found themselves captive in the house of a mysterious man. There were other prisoners there as well as the front door had been booby trapped to capture anyone who rang the doorbell more than once. The first group the gang encountered was an enthusiastic troop of Girl Scouts who wanted to know if they wanted to buy some cookies. Next, they saw a pair of nicely dressed young men who asked them, “Have you heard the Good News?” Scooby responded happily, “Yeah! There are cookies!”

As I was driving home from our Wednesday night church service, this scene came to mind. Our pastor read from the book of 1 Timothy 2:1-7:

The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live. He wants not only us but everyone saved, you know, everyone to get to know the truth we've learned: that there's one God and only one, and one Priest-Mediator between God and us—Jesus, who offered himself in exchange for everyone held captive by sin, to set them all free. Eventually the news is going to get out. This and this only has been my appointed work: getting this news to those who have never heard of God, and explaining how it works by simple faith and plain truth. (The Message)

In his message, he pointed out that we need to be taking the mission to share the Good News as seriously as Paul did. Specifically, Bill asked, “If we don’t tell other people, how do we know we truly believe it ourselves?”

Think about that. Think about all of the things that, in a given day, you DO tell other people. OK, I’ll confess. What do I tell other people in a given day?

I relate stories I heard on NPR on my commute. I explain my work to my boss. I explain to my employees how to do their work. I tell my kids that, yes, they will get their bath tonight because I am their mother and I said so. I tell my husband and my children that I love them.

And, folks, I gossip. Sometimes it is telling one coworker what another coworker said or did. Even worse, sometimes it is telling one coworker what another coworker said or did based on what a third coworker told me! (By the way, this is an issue for another day…but one God and I are working on daily.)

Now, do I honestly believe all of these things that I am using my mouth to pass on? I guess I do or I wouldn’t have taken the time to say them, right?

But, in my heart, I profess to believe the following more than any of these other things: I believe that Jesus was God walking on earth. I believe that Jesus died not just generally for the world’s sins, but specifically for MY SINS…sins that I had yet to contemplate when He was being nailed to the cross. I believe that Jesus rose from the dead and that one day I will see Him face to face…my savior, my God, my One and Only.

In short, if I truly believe what I profess to believe, I need to be using my mouth to do more than tell people there are Girl Scout cookies available.

Cry Out to Jesus

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye...
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus
-from Third Day's Cry Out to Jesus

God bless you, Hokies.

A New Song

"To repent means to turn, to turn from whatever binds or enslaves you."-Father Tim Kavanaugh in A New Song by Jan Karon

After reading a very good, but very dark book (Piercing the Darkness), I decided I needed to go back to Mitford. This book, the fifth in the series, follows Father Tim and his wife as they go to a new town where the he will serve as interim priest. In his new capacity, he is told by his bishop not to worry about his old parishioners, which he finds difficult to do. However, after a terrible storm rips through his temporary island home, he finds it easy to say "no" to a planned trip back to Mitford to stay and tend his new flock.
This book has a few wonderful pauses in the action (so to speak) that allow us to share in some of Father Tim's personal reflection...and which caused me to reflect myself. At one point, the priest reads over the following passage from a sermon of Charles Spurgeon's:

Go to Him without fear or trembling, ere yon sun goes down and ends this day of mercy, go and tell Him thou hast broken the Father's laws-tell Him that thou art lost, and thou needest to be saved; tell Him that He is a man, and appeal to His manly heart, and to His brotherly sympathies. Pour out thy broken heart at His feet: let thy soul flow over in His presence, and I tell thee He cannot cast thee away...

Father Tim jots down in his notes, "Not that He will not turn a deaf ear, but that He cannot."

I will share later, perhaps, my reflections on the Frank Peretti book I mentioned earlier, but will say, for now, that the most amazing section of that book was a brilliant portrayal of heaven's response to a lost soul crying out to God for forgiveness. This passage in A New Song brought that imagery flooding back and makes me know that I need to spend some time on my knees in His presence...real quality time...soon.

Out to Canaan

"We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly for the highest good."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, quoted in Out to Canaan by Jan Karon

In Jan Karon's Mitford Series, we follow the life of Father Timothy Kavanagh, the Episcopal rector in the small Carolina town of Mitford. It is encouraging to me to read of a man, a man who has given his life to God, who questions whether he is doing all that God would have him do. Because I question that a lot...particularly of late.

In one exchange with the chaplain of the local seniors' home, Father Tim muses about a ministry he feels he should be leading at "the Creek". The chaplain indicates to the rector that he already has a Creek ministry of his own and proceeds to list three individuals that the Kavanagh had personally saved from a grim life in that bad part of town. To Father Tim, these things had not even occurred to him to be a service to God.

The chaplain goes on to note, "I think we're always looking for the big things...The big calling, the big challenge." And that brings up the quote above from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. They also note that Bonhoeffer says we must be "grateful even where there's no great experience and no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty".

One other segment of the book that made me look inward occured when Father Tim was overtaken by a feeling of overwhelming gratefulness for everything that he was blessed with. He drove through town seeing people and things he was thankful for and recalled a quote from Patrick Henry Reardon:

Suppose for a moment that God began taking from us the many things for which we have failed to give thanks. Which of our limbs and faculties would be left? Would I still have my hands and my mind? And what about loved ones? If God were to take from me all those persons and things for which I have not given thanks, who or what would be left of me?

Getting Into You

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into
-from Relient K's Getting Into You

Can I admit something here? I wonder if I am doing the ministry that God is calling me to do. I don't want to elaborate any further than that, I think. I have typed some things that I'm not ready to share yet, but suffice it to say that I am really trying to hear what God is saying to me because I'm unsettled with what I am doing in His name.

I Want To Know You (In The Secret)

Knowing God is not always easy;
probably one of the biggest hurdles is the difference between "knowing" Him
and simply "believing" in Him.
In James 2:17 it says that faith without action or good deeds is of no value.
As we desire to know God better, one question we have to ask ourselves is
do we just believe in God or are we seeking to know him more?
-liner notes in WOW 2000 from Sonicflood (about I Want To Know You (In The Secret))

I was filling my car with some old Christian songs this a.m. and as each song came on, I was reading the liner notes from each performer about the song. The words from Sonicflood were so thought provoking. I am pretty familiar with the Book of James and I the concept that faith without works is a dead faith. I don't struggle with how that fits in with the concept of God's overwhelming and unearnable grace. I feel that if you truly believe, that belief will drive you to act.

But, I had never thought about this in the context of my personal relationship with God. I never thought about how "believing" without actively working on the relationship was a dead faith. I knew this in my heart all along...but I love that I now know it in my head and that it has been tied in with the writings of James.

Let Go and Let God

My youngest, Lizzie, started kindergarten this year. I was certain we would have some adjustment issues with her, but didn't expect problems like the ones we have dealt with for the first two years of Maury's public schooling. See, Maury turned out to have ADD. We have spent all this time getting his medication just right so that he can make it through most days without being a terrible disruption. Lizzie...well, I was expecting her issues to be with talking too much. I also thought she wasn't quite as ready for the academic stuff as Maury had been.

I was wrong. Lizzie is actually performing in the top of her class. And, it's not talking too much that is the problem. It is screaming. Not following directions. Hitting. Squirting classmates with juice. Climbing the walls in the bathroom.

Last week, she hit the low point when she was sent to the principal's office. The worst thing about that was that she REALLY acted out when she was told to go to the office. Nope. The punishment of it was not enough to scare her straight even for a moment. That night, we told her that she would not be allowed to attend a school carnival if she had another day where she was on "red" or had a note sent home. We also offered some positive reinforcement to her if she stayed on "green" the rest of the week.

She came home the next day reporting that she had been on "red". She hadn't even made it to her classroom that day before she started acting up, in fact.

So, this Monday, I went to the bus stop feeling worn down by her. (I haven't even mentioned that she was getting in trouble on the bus as well.) What could I do? I had met with her teacher. I was trying to reinforce things at home. I was talking to her morning and night about it. Nothing was getting through.

Nervous and discouraged, I got in the van and prayed. "Lord, Fill them up. Amen."

I should have done that sooner. Why didn't that ever occur to me until then? I'm not with her during her school day. God is. He always is.

She hasn't gotten on "red" yet this week. And, I am praying every morning for them after they get on the bus. My prayer is more elaborate now, though. It is one that starts with praise for God...then asks Him to please do it again!

His Strength

The first few weeks of homeschooling this year were stressful. I had a really nice time this summer taking it easy, and getting back to school was really hard. Every year the kids have more subjects we have to add. This year I have to make sure Aidan's writing improves because he has a 4th grade reading test. I also have to make sure I'm covering everything Keely needs to know. Meanwhile I have a crazy almost 2 year old!

I just didn't know what I was going to do with Cedric because he was always into everything. I had been praying about it because I really feel God has put me in this position of homeschooling the kids, and it's the right thing for us. I just didn't know HOW I would do it. After a couple weeks of going crazier and crazier, I started lightening up on the kids a bit and not expecting quite as much. I also got them started on their work, and I'd take Cedric to town for awhile, while Chance was home. Getting Cedric out of the house gave him something to do, and he loved it. The kids would do their work while we were gone. Then, all of a sudden, Cedric started playing with his toys more than 2 minutes at a time. He would actually sit on the floor and stack blocks for awhile, or play with Keely's math money.

I was talking with my mom about the situation and I realized this was an answer to prayer! God is giving me coping techniques, and helping Cedric learn how to do more things so I can handle what I've been given.

Today in Bible Study I shared this story and it made me realize all the more how much God does for us.

Brenda

My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?
-from Todd Agnew's My Jesus

It is not at all a coincidence that it has been almost a year since I posted here last. I've fallen out of relationship with Christ and become all too focused on this world since then.

We attend church and Sunday School. I still go to Circle. I even sing in the choir now. What I don't do is study the Bible, teach Sunday School, or pray regularly.

What I have been doing is listening to obscene music, watching too much television and spending too much time on the computer looking for approval from people I don't really know. I have made a lot of excuses for the sinful behavior of others based on my desire to be tolerant. I have enjoyed humor that is off color. I gossiped. In all ways, I have fallen short. Way short.

This Sunday, I actually taught Sunday School for a friend who was going to be out of town. The scripture was from Ephesians. The Ephesians mentioned in the Todd Agnew song that I quoted above...a song I had not heard until today. Read Ephesians 5:1-20. It convicted me. It opened my eyes to what I have been doing versus what I should be doing. Scared straight? I hope so.

Something else happened Sunday. Part of our Sunday School lesson discussed the difference between being baptized by the Holy Spirit and being filled by the Holy Spirit. We are baptized by the Holy Spirit without any action of our own but we have to take steps to be filled. If we have any unconfessed sin, we have not given over complete control to Him and He can't fill us.

This was heavy on my mind as we sat in church and prepared for communion. I was praying about this as I knelt at the rail, offering up the sins I had refused to admit before. The preacher dismissed us, the choir, from the altar rail with a prayer that for once did not mention one thing about the gift of music.

Instead, his brief prayer asked for us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I felt as if that was spoken right to me by Christ.

Beauty from Pain

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
-from Superchic(k)'s Beauty from Pain

My mind hasn't been focused on anything fully since Katrina made landfall on the Gulf Coast. Always at the back of my mind are thoughts of the people and the losses they are suffering. I'm particularly aware of the people who either chose not to or, much more tragically, did not have the means to evacuate. Those who are still alive are left in a place which has been described as hell on earth.

Tonight I put in a new CD and heard Beauty from Pain for the first time. It seemed like a little hand out from God reminding me that it would all be OK. I just know that it will be a long time before those affected feel like "OK" is something that they can say in response to the simple question, "How are you" and my heart aches for them.

Homesick

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
-from Mercy Me's Homesick

Early last summer, my mother-in-law Barbara, her best friend and I went to see Mercy Me and Michael W. Smith in concert. Right before the concert, Barbara and her sisters had gone on a riverboat cruise with their mother, Alma. During the cruise, it became apparent that Alma's liver cancer was no longer slow growing and not a threat to her life.

As we sat out at the open air concert in the rain, Barbara was sharing this news with me. The skies began to clear when Mercy Me took the stage. When they introduced their song Homesick, they explained how the members of the band had lost several people close to them during the production of their latest album. The song went right to my heart as I sat next to Barbara who had lost her father many years ago and was now facing the imminent loss of her mother. I ached for her as I thought about the losses in terms of being homesick for a place where your parents were.

In September, Alma passed away with her daughters by her side. Right now, the girls are together working on her house. I know they are feeling very homesick right now as they are left clearing out a house which used to be their home and which they wish very much still was.

PrayerRun

I wasn't kidding when I mentioned in an earlier entry that I make excuses for not praying. I do consider myself a spiritual person. A born again Christian, if you will. But, prayer...not my thing. I sit down to pray and my mind wanders and next thing you know I'm pondering some work problem or planning my weekend. Not good.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed my mother-in-law had a book called PrayerWalk: Becoming a Woman of Prayer, Strength, and Discipline (by Janet Holm McHenry). One quick glance at the book and a short conversation with her about it and I knew I needed to get the book and get serious about making my early morning runs a time of prayer. So, the last two trips out to run, I've gone without my MP3 and with prayer on my mind. My thoughts still wander, but not far. Usually only as far as, "Holy smoke, breathe, Terri!" and then I'm back on task.

I have a lot to learn about prayer. But, at least now I have some time set aside for this specifically and that is a powerful step for me. Practice makes perfect?

Open Skies

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King.
-from David Crowder Band's Open Skies

It is really beautiful today. The sky is clear and blue. The sun is shining. The trees are fully dressed in green and reaching for the heavens.

And, I am in a wonderful place. This country. This state. This city. Working in a good company with people that are honorable. Attending a church with people who are truly like family to us. Being part of a family that is full of love and blessed with good health.

Thank you, Lord, for all of these situational blessings that I often overlook. And, thank you for days like today when these things are so vivid to me.

In the Light

I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
-from DC Talk's In the Light

Excuses. Most days, I am full of them. Some of them are spoken, many of them are within my own head. Excuses for why my house is a wreck, why a task at work isn't done, why a task at work turned out wrong, why I haven't sent family any pictures of the kids, why that bill was late.

Why I don't spend time with God each day.

Why I don't pray.

Why I forgot what someone was going through.

Why I judged someone.

Why I gossiped about someone when I knew it was wrong.

Why I haven't shared my testimony with people I love.

God doesn't take excuses. Fortunately, He gives grace and love in abundance.

Beautiful

I blessed the day that I found you
The stars we put in place
The dreams we didn't waste
The sorrows we embraced

The world belonged to you and me

The oceans that we crossed

The innocence we lost

The hurting at the end

I'd go there again
'Cause it was beautiful

It was beautiful
-from Amy Grant's Beautiful

I miss my husband. He is out of town for five, count them, five nights. It's not just that I'm on my own at home with two toddlers. It's not just that his being gone has killed my ability to get out and run, my new obsession, until he is back. It's those things a little, but it's more than that. Way more than that.

It's that he isn't there to be my partner in everyday existence. We have this little dance we do every night taking care of the kids, taking care of each other. I miss that. Yes, it has to do with me being the only one that the kids are bellowing at on these nights, but it is more than that. It feels like I'm one half of a whole without him there with me.

It's that he isn't next to me at night. I am used to being in a bed by myself because I travel on business a couple of times a year. I'm not used to being in MY bed by myself. In fact, I can't do it. I've cheated and had a tot in bed with me since Steve's been gone.

It's that he isn't walking behind me and, well, pinching my behind as he goes by. I am so fond of this little sign of affection from him that I feel like something is wrong if he passes by me first thing in the morning when he is half awake and he doesn't do it.

It's that he isn't there to watch TV with me. We are unabashedly couch potatoes and I know that it shouldn't matter if he is there to watch with me, but I really don't enjoy any of it nearly as much without him.

We have such a beautiful life together and it just isn't the same when we are physically separated like this. It makes me think about how these little things, these silly little things, will be what I miss so much some day if I am the one left behind. It's a sad thought, I know, but one I have at times like this.

I'm so glad he has had this opportunity to get away and just be Stephen for a while. Not daddy. Not husband. Not son. Just Stephen. But, I will be glad when he's home and can be all these things to us again from the same area code.

Last Day on Earth

Oh, if this should be my last day on this earth
How then shall I live
Oh, if this should be the last day that I have
Before I breathe the air of Heaven
Let me live it with abandon to
The only thing that remains
After my last day here on earth
-from Steven Curtis Chapman's Last Day on Earth

How do you live each day with abandon to your Lord? As I was driving to work to do my accounting job this morning, I pondered that.

Steven Curtis Chapman gets to live an obvious life of abandon to His maker as a Christian music artist. Everything he does, whether he intends for it to be so or not, is a statement of his faith because he is known as a Christian.

So, what can I, a plain, ordinary wife, mother and employee do to live in abandon to all that will really matter in the end? What can I do that will earn me the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant"?

Even though I'm not a famous Christian, I know that some people know that I am a Christian. Actually, almost anyone who looks at me should know that because I'm not wearing this cross necklace just to be a fashion icon a la the 80's Madonna. What do they also see when they see the necklace? Do they see a mother yelling at her out of control children in the video store? Do they see an employee frustrated with the tasks that are being given to her?

Even people on the road with me know what I am because I have a fish tag on the front of my mommyvan and a fish emblem on the back. I don't think the sort of abandon He is looking for is me cutting off a lot of people on the road or tailgating them so that they will see the symbol and think about their own mortality.

I am a witness every moment I am breathing whether I am prepared for that to be the testimony I give or not. I need to focus on abandoning myself to Him and His glory, honor and praise. This means reigning in my fears, worries and personal grievances so they don't restrain my ability to live with that abandon to God. Especially on a day like today: a day that started out well, but took a swift downturn when I let "things" block my line of vision. Such silly, earthly things that have no relevance to what will remain after my last day on earth. Here's to abandoning those things and living in abandon to Him!

friday's word

My brother-in-law, Andy, sends out daily word e-mails to a lucky group of people. This one came in on Friday and it uses the verse that gave this blog its name. He said it would be OK if I shared it here. And, by the way, I think Andy is a clear, steady light.

the word for friday is....LAMP.....this lamp on my desk is driving me crazy......i sit down to write, and as soon as i start typing (do you still call it typing, even if its on a computer?)... it starts blinking...

ive tried tightening the bulb.....but to no avail.......beth told me if it bothered me, i should fix it..... i told her that before i was married, my idea of fixing something was to throw it away and go buy a new one.....

but she said i cant do that..it was a wedding gift.....(not from anyone on this list!!!!!)

i only think about it for a few minutes each day.....then it never crosses my mind...until the next night......

it just gives off a screwed up light...not bright at all....and the constant on and off drives me nutty....which, i know, is a short drive.......... it just doesnt do what it is supposed to do !!!!!!!!

"You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:14.....

really? are we? are we a clear light...or a blinking...on and off...screwed up one???