I Want To Know You (In The Secret)

Knowing God is not always easy;
probably one of the biggest hurdles is the difference between "knowing" Him
and simply "believing" in Him.
In James 2:17 it says that faith without action or good deeds is of no value.
As we desire to know God better, one question we have to ask ourselves is
do we just believe in God or are we seeking to know him more?
-liner notes in WOW 2000 from Sonicflood (about I Want To Know You (In The Secret))

I was filling my car with some old Christian songs this a.m. and as each song came on, I was reading the liner notes from each performer about the song. The words from Sonicflood were so thought provoking. I am pretty familiar with the Book of James and I the concept that faith without works is a dead faith. I don't struggle with how that fits in with the concept of God's overwhelming and unearnable grace. I feel that if you truly believe, that belief will drive you to act.

But, I had never thought about this in the context of my personal relationship with God. I never thought about how "believing" without actively working on the relationship was a dead faith. I knew this in my heart all along...but I love that I now know it in my head and that it has been tied in with the writings of James.

Let Go and Let God

My youngest, Lizzie, started kindergarten this year. I was certain we would have some adjustment issues with her, but didn't expect problems like the ones we have dealt with for the first two years of Maury's public schooling. See, Maury turned out to have ADD. We have spent all this time getting his medication just right so that he can make it through most days without being a terrible disruption. Lizzie...well, I was expecting her issues to be with talking too much. I also thought she wasn't quite as ready for the academic stuff as Maury had been.

I was wrong. Lizzie is actually performing in the top of her class. And, it's not talking too much that is the problem. It is screaming. Not following directions. Hitting. Squirting classmates with juice. Climbing the walls in the bathroom.

Last week, she hit the low point when she was sent to the principal's office. The worst thing about that was that she REALLY acted out when she was told to go to the office. Nope. The punishment of it was not enough to scare her straight even for a moment. That night, we told her that she would not be allowed to attend a school carnival if she had another day where she was on "red" or had a note sent home. We also offered some positive reinforcement to her if she stayed on "green" the rest of the week.

She came home the next day reporting that she had been on "red". She hadn't even made it to her classroom that day before she started acting up, in fact.

So, this Monday, I went to the bus stop feeling worn down by her. (I haven't even mentioned that she was getting in trouble on the bus as well.) What could I do? I had met with her teacher. I was trying to reinforce things at home. I was talking to her morning and night about it. Nothing was getting through.

Nervous and discouraged, I got in the van and prayed. "Lord, Fill them up. Amen."

I should have done that sooner. Why didn't that ever occur to me until then? I'm not with her during her school day. God is. He always is.

She hasn't gotten on "red" yet this week. And, I am praying every morning for them after they get on the bus. My prayer is more elaborate now, though. It is one that starts with praise for God...then asks Him to please do it again!

His Strength

The first few weeks of homeschooling this year were stressful. I had a really nice time this summer taking it easy, and getting back to school was really hard. Every year the kids have more subjects we have to add. This year I have to make sure Aidan's writing improves because he has a 4th grade reading test. I also have to make sure I'm covering everything Keely needs to know. Meanwhile I have a crazy almost 2 year old!

I just didn't know what I was going to do with Cedric because he was always into everything. I had been praying about it because I really feel God has put me in this position of homeschooling the kids, and it's the right thing for us. I just didn't know HOW I would do it. After a couple weeks of going crazier and crazier, I started lightening up on the kids a bit and not expecting quite as much. I also got them started on their work, and I'd take Cedric to town for awhile, while Chance was home. Getting Cedric out of the house gave him something to do, and he loved it. The kids would do their work while we were gone. Then, all of a sudden, Cedric started playing with his toys more than 2 minutes at a time. He would actually sit on the floor and stack blocks for awhile, or play with Keely's math money.

I was talking with my mom about the situation and I realized this was an answer to prayer! God is giving me coping techniques, and helping Cedric learn how to do more things so I can handle what I've been given.

Today in Bible Study I shared this story and it made me realize all the more how much God does for us.

Brenda

My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?
-from Todd Agnew's My Jesus

It is not at all a coincidence that it has been almost a year since I posted here last. I've fallen out of relationship with Christ and become all too focused on this world since then.

We attend church and Sunday School. I still go to Circle. I even sing in the choir now. What I don't do is study the Bible, teach Sunday School, or pray regularly.

What I have been doing is listening to obscene music, watching too much television and spending too much time on the computer looking for approval from people I don't really know. I have made a lot of excuses for the sinful behavior of others based on my desire to be tolerant. I have enjoyed humor that is off color. I gossiped. In all ways, I have fallen short. Way short.

This Sunday, I actually taught Sunday School for a friend who was going to be out of town. The scripture was from Ephesians. The Ephesians mentioned in the Todd Agnew song that I quoted above...a song I had not heard until today. Read Ephesians 5:1-20. It convicted me. It opened my eyes to what I have been doing versus what I should be doing. Scared straight? I hope so.

Something else happened Sunday. Part of our Sunday School lesson discussed the difference between being baptized by the Holy Spirit and being filled by the Holy Spirit. We are baptized by the Holy Spirit without any action of our own but we have to take steps to be filled. If we have any unconfessed sin, we have not given over complete control to Him and He can't fill us.

This was heavy on my mind as we sat in church and prepared for communion. I was praying about this as I knelt at the rail, offering up the sins I had refused to admit before. The preacher dismissed us, the choir, from the altar rail with a prayer that for once did not mention one thing about the gift of music.

Instead, his brief prayer asked for us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I felt as if that was spoken right to me by Christ.